🔗 Share this article

The current period marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a detailed guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

The Letter A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional affluence, it describes partners who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {